NO, NO and again NO

No you do not need your own printer. You have access to numerous networked printers. USE THEM.

Softly, Softly touchy monkey!

Hitting a touchpad harder than is necessary constitutes an act of aggression towards a defenseless item, namely my laptop. Yes ... it is still my laptop ... because I take care of it, look after it and reluctantly had to hand it over to you.

I cannot be held responsible for either your stupidity or my actions.

Bean counter

You are a bean counter, and NOT an expert on computers. If I say we need a specific piece of kit, then you order it and pay for it. I don't deal with accounts or money and you don't deal with computers. Live by this and we will be ok, ignore this and ....

missing in action

Do you not take care where you send your printouts. I know I told you to use a different printer if your default printer is offline, but I also said that you should try one near you. Please explain why you thought that the printer in another city was nearer than the one upstairs.

No emails? Boo hoo!

Try deleting emails that you no longer need, from your inbox. A full inbox will not allow more junk to come in. Filing your emails ad infinitum in your inbbox is NOT the proper way of creating an archive ... you fool! Cease bugging me with such inconsequential and boring troubleshooting jobs.

Leave the covers down.

Stop opening the covers of printers that are still printing the jobs in their queues. How would you like it if I opened your car's bonnet while you were driving it. You are unbelievably inconsiderate!

SPAM ! Unlovely SPAM!

The profusion of spam in all my inboxes is completely overwhelming. In addition to the normal internet spam, that apparently does not get filtered by the plethora of spam filters that separate me from the internet directly, I am now faced with wet-ware spamming me on my own network. This is a case of friendly-fire the email way.

NO, I do not want your pitiful samples of spam forwarded into my inbox. YOU decide whether it is spam or not. You are old enough to decide this for yourself. If you do not know or trust the originator, then despatch the offending email into the "Ether-hereafter", AND NOT TO ME!!

Your sysadmins and netadmins probably get more spam than anyone else in your organisation, except for Percy in maintenance who has a thing about rubber. The reason why sysadmins and netadmins get so much spam, is because they are usually subscribed to a few email lists that inform about security vulnerabilities and product updates. Some of the lists are managed and moderated by gurus, but some are moderated and maganged by monkeys.

So .... be a good little wetware ... and keep your spam to yourself or, better yet, delete the thing!